Thursday, January 3, 2008

A Guest Column: The History of Iowa as Told By My Great Aunt Fanny

Once upon a time long ago in another century, not too many states even had primaries. And they were non-binding anyway. Just popularity contests, because the party bosses got together and picked the delegates to go to the convention. They could assure the delegates stayed "bound" to a particular candidate, because they still had to come home and face the music if they didn't.


It was a time of smoke-filled rooms and deal-making. Politics was fun and corrupt and juicy! Then party reform reared it's ugly head. More primaries were added in various states and they were binding. Binding means that's how the delegates were picked. To make it palatable to the state chairs and party bosses, they made a category of "super-delegates" that could be selected by the bosses, and also included elected officials.


Primaries grew into an industry. They created jobs for "organizers" and out of work advertising executives. They gave people opportunities to raise money and plan events for things outside their monthly block club meetings and church suppers. They created opportunities for a lot of people in each state to get close to a candidate. If the candidate wins, they now have a new BFF who is President of the United States, POTUS, to insiders. They also get to be BFF with people right there in their state who would never give them the time of day were it not for these political events. It spread the notion that people were important. Even if it was only in their own minds. Local media loved it, bcz it generated lots of advertising dollars for radio and TV.



Some states held on to their closed caucuses, but many began opting for primary elections at which delegates would be selected. A closed primary meant you had to declare your party affiliation before you could vote. An open primary meant you could say anything or nothing and vote. Much mischief occurs in these scenarios. But, oh well.


Back to Iowa. So there was this guy who decided he wanted to run for president. He'd been governor of a southern state for a while, he was a proud, born-again Christian who taught Sunday School, and he ran a farm. And he had big teeth and strange looking children. His eccentric mother joined the Peace Corps, his sister was an evangelist who drove a motorcycle and his brother was...well... he was a "good ol' boy."




Anyway, when other candidates started getting excited about New Hampshire, which was STILL the first primary election, scheduled in early February, this guy, because he had no money to speak of, and because he was scared of New Hampshire and they were scared of him, (neither liked someone who "talked funny.") this guy heard about the state party caucuses in Iowa. He knew Iowa had lots of farms.


He thought of himself as a farmer, so he went to Iowa. And he brought a few faithful staff people along, and they organized the hell out of Iowa. He spent a lot of time visiting with the farmers, sipping coffee with them in their living rooms, and attending their church services. Sometimes, he even spent the night at their houses, because motels cost money he didn't have, and everywhere he went, he said, "Hi. I'm Jimmy Carter and I'm running for president." And he won the Iowa Caucus. And that's how Iowa got important.

copyright, 2008

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